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As a people, we like to sue.

I thought about that after our recent $20 billion “victory� over China. What did China do to us? It hoarded face masks during COVID. We wouldn’t have worn them anyway. Our governor referred to them as “dang� masks. We screamed at health officials who advised us to cover our collective face. We breathe free in this state, Doc. If you’re really a doctor, that is.

So the joke’s on China, right? It would be if we were going to collect $20 billion, but we won’t. Maybe we’ll seize any assets China has in Missouri. That would be counter-productive. Who’d want to make an investment in Missouri if they thought we’d seize their assets after a goofball lawsuit?

Imagine how this looks to outsiders. Missouri sued China for masks they wouldn’t have worn? What judge signed off on that? Rush Limbaugh’s cousin? You’re kidding!

That part of this is unfair. One Limbaugh is not like every other Limbaugh. I do not know the Limbaugh who signed off on this lawsuit — actually, he didn’t just “sign off,� he made the ruling — but I know his father, who was also a federal judge, and was, and is, a thoughtful and intelligent person.

Still, it looks bad, at least to the 49 percent who think Rush Limbaugh was a gasbag. Of course, the other 51 percent think he was a great thinker and they’re happy that the judge has done his cousin proud.

We sued the NFL. That took some guts. Everybody likes football. Nobody likes China.

I ridiculed our lawsuit. St. Loserton, I called us. Your pretty girlfriend from Los Angeles walks out on you and goes home, you get on with your life. You don’t sue.

We’ll never win, I said. So, sure enough, we won hundreds of millions of dollars, although technically, I was right. We did not win. There was no trial. There was a settlement. The NFL took a knee.

Those people in Missouri know how to sue, the league said.

We even sue ourselves. In fact, one of the greatest scandals of the last 50 years involved Missourians suing Missouri. The Second Injury fund provided extra benefits to people with previous medical problems who were hurt on the job. It was intended to encourage employers to hire veterans who had been injured in the service.

Instead, a group of insiders figured out how to scam the system. In 1986, attorney Morris B. Kessler sued the fund and received $40,000 for hurting his wrist and back while closing a cabinet drawer in his law office. The previous year, he received $25,000 for tripping over a piece of furniture in his office. When the whole thing fell apart, he had a pending claim for “cardiac stress� for carrying a briefcase.

What made the story compelling was that Kessler was the No. 1 campaign contributor to then-Attorney General Bill Webster, whose office controlled the fund. Furthermore, Webster was running for governor.

He had been the early favorite, too — young, dashing and photogenic with a family to match. Stories about the Second Injury Fund started coming out during the primary and Webster barely survived a strong challenge from Roy Blunt. Webster was then crushed by Mel Carnahan in the general election.

Eventually, Webster, Kessler and several others went to prison.

Lesson to Missouri politicians: Don’t sue Missouri.

China is a safer target. Sen. Eric Schmitt gets “credit� for this one. He initiated the lawsuit as attorney general. He rode it all the way to the Senate. His successor, Andrew Bailey, deserves “credit� carrying it to a successful conclusion.

Of course, how hard is it to “win� a lawsuit when the other side doesn’t show up?

I shouldn’t quibble. Schmitt and Bailey made sure their people kept its eyes on the prize. Most young lawyers who join the attorney general’s office don’t expect to be filling international lawsuits. They expect to sue county health departments and schools.

So I shouldn’t sell this achievement short. Hopefully, we’ll build on this success. I’m thinking about Greenland. What’s so green about that place? Or maybe they’re talking about green as in ecology. That’s as bad as diversity. There is no reason for us to take this from those people.

Some places will be off limits — Belarus, North Korea, Saudi Arabia, Russia. We’re not going after friends.

For now, though, let’s not get ahead of ourselves. The very next thing we have to do, as a serious people, is figure out what to do with our $20 billion.